Prioritizing Your Goals

In most divorce cases, there are limited resources: you only have so much time, energy, and money to spend.  To help direct your lawyer's efforts and reach a resolution you can be satisfied with, it is helpful for you to decide where to spend these resources.  

The first step is to recognize what the issues in your case are likely to be and what you would like to happen.

Because you and your spouse are dividing your finances, you have to decide which assets you want to keep and which debts you want to avoid.  Start by making a list of the largest assets and debts.  Do you want to keep the family home?  Or do you want to be free of the mortgage?  Do you want cash now?  Or are you more worried about future savings?

If you have children, there will likely be something to negotiate.  Even if both parents agree on who should have custody of the children, there are still visitation and decision-making issues that need to be worked out.  How will holidays and vacations be divided -- with each parent having some time each year, with the parents trading off each year, or something else?  Who will make medical, educational, or religious decisions?

Once you have identified what the issues are, start deciding what is most important to you.  What do you care enough about to fight for?  What are you willing to compromise on or give up entirely?  And remember to factor in how fighting over these issues will affect both your ability to co-parent with your spouse/ex-spouse and your children's emotional health.

Now, number each priority from most important to least.  Like a task list, this shows you where you should direct your limited resources.  Further, it can later remind you that fighting too much for your #4 limits your ability to fight for your #1.

Over time, it's important to review and reconsider your priorities.  How long are you willing to fight?  And more practically, how long can you afford to fight?  It is very likely that if your case drags on, you will become more open to compromise for the items lower on your list.